A Project for Better Journalism chapter
Editorial

Diagnosis: Senioritis

Patient Name: Warrell, Madelyn R.

Date: June 02, 2018

Diagnosis: Recovering Stages of Senioritis

 

The patient was seen last year recovering from Junioritis. She believed that having completed Junior Year, she would be on a straight upward trajectory. Evidently, she was wrong. The fall of the 2017-2018 school year saw her contracting a strong case of Senioritis. Many experts in the field claim that Junioritis is the far deadlier of the academia strains, but Senioritis certainly came with its burdens. At the outset of the year, the patient had the same amount of curricular burden as the year prior, except she now had the additional task of applying to college and living on a freshman dorm for reasons of, and I quote, ‘leadership.’ The freshman released intermittent sirens of noxious high frequencies that are colloquially referred to as ‘squeals’ of ‘excitement.’ It was perhaps the shock of not ‘cruising’ through her senior year that led her to her advisor and college counselor, Lauren Carter. Mrs. Carter appears to have experience with students under the ailment of Senioritis, and would dispense in-office chocolate when necessary. The patient clearly had stresses-too-much-and-clearly-needs-to-pipe-it-down-a-notch syndrome, but second semester certainly alleviated further malignancies of her Senioritis.

 

Though the second semester brought many a late assignment, the psychological board is in agreement that these discrepancies were in retrospect, beneficial to the patient’s mental health. Though the gym was a laughable prospect, she went to yoga a few times. She enrolled in Painting 1, and began connecting to her ‘inner chi.’ She appears to have developed a Stage 6 appreciation of Episcopal High School, where she knows that has to go, and is looking forward to college, but she already misses the place that she hasn’t left yet. She is graduating on June 2nd, and we believe that the emotion she will feel could be characterized as bittersweet. We would prescribe waterproof mascara should she wish to not resemble a raccoon on her graduation day. After she comes into skin-contact with the diploma, the senioritis should be out of her system, and the nostalgia will set in.

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